“Narcissus weeps to
find that his image does not return his love.”
—Mason Cooley
Born narcissist,
and burdened with pretense
I have laid strange
standards for myself
Pitiful suppression of ...the “who is..?”
Foster the live wires of my mind.
Impractical…I scream! But….
The unmoored Narcissist
breathes,
Remains unchanged,
unaltered inside me.
—A catalyst gives variations to this wretched soul.
Sometimes, when the weight
melts,
The mirror, bursting
with laughter reflects me,
Asks: ‘why am I waging
this useless war?’
Idiosyncrasy…. ? Ah, probably
yes.
No stepping back
possible,
Vanity…. sways my snobbish
self
It gives me that extra edge
(a strange kind of
pleasure you may say)
….Oh, it's a perverse
logic
Where identity drips,
destroying the pages of my who’s who!!
Inky black…. voices of
conscience mingle, chase.
My, My, what’s all
this?
Who am I looking at,
myself?
I can’t believe!
Worrying about
everyone else’s possible thoughts doesn’t contribute much. Don’t wait for
someone else’s permission to be amazing. If they don’t see it in you, it
doesn’t matter.
" Be the best version of
yourself and your own biggest fan."- unknown.
The crux of this lies here, for me:
ReplyDelete"I have laid strange standards for myself" -- And I literally mean LIES. I feel this, deeply. I set impossible standards for myself, and believe the lie that they are possible. Too much comparing, not enough contentment. This is an important reminder. Thank you.
On some level we are all born narcissist. It takes effort not to be. As a child it is all about our needs, and hopefully as we mature we gain a modicum of control there. Someone gives us praise, do we take pride in our work -- where do we cross the line into vanity?
ReplyDeleteComparison is surely one of the roots of all evil. When we compare we are diminishing one of the two things, giving precedent to the other.
The end pose an interesting question. Who do I choose to be? It is our choice ultimately, what we will put our mind to and discipline ourselves to.
"Oh, it's a perverse logic
ReplyDeleteWhere identity drips,
destroying the pages of my who’s who!!"
What perfection it would be to know and enjoy the other who and know/love myself too! The way they interact is grounded in insecurity and envy. I'm afraid I have to learn to love the doubt too. Such a vulnerable and truthful poem! Thank you.
PS--I LOVE the title.
ReplyDeleteThe line I especially love in this post is "Dont wait for someone else's permission to be amazing"! So cool!
ReplyDeleteSadly the more vain we are the more blind we become. Lucky are those who see their own faults and luckier still those who like the person they are.
ReplyDeleteI know we are all narcissusts (spelling) at heart. We check our butts in new skirts or trousers, in costumes, in store windows...I like your take on this a lot.
ReplyDelete"Born narcissist,
ReplyDeleteand burdened with pretense"...At least I'm this :(
I love this!💞 Yes vanity does give pleasure to a person (however temporary that may be) and in return clouds vision and better judgment. Brilliant write!💞
ReplyDeletegreat poem and thoughtful ideas
ReplyDelete