 |
| Hiran Moyee Sen |
It was
October, 1990
Standing
on the rooftop of the hospital building,
I saw
her traipsing on a rainbow path
A
pair of feet pattered wearily
One by one, into the dark latticed night
Unshed
tears rolled down my cheeks.
Grandmothers
are icons for grandchildren
And
for us, she was not only a great cook
But
a warm and caring, loving and welcoming
mother
figure-the matriarch of our home;
When
grandfather died, she was just twenty-four
with four small children and carrying one
in her womb.
The
heavy hands of patriarchy those days
was a great fear for a widow.
Inevitably, this widow was shown no mercy, and
quickly bundled up in a widow’s colourless
white fabric.
Without
reason, without a why…she tucked herself
amongst
heaps of unwanted man-made laws;
Repeating
rituals weaved a deadlier web within her brain
At
the age of 87 years, she developed Alzheimer’s;
Her past and present merged and lost their way..
…her disease talked more through her eyes....and in silence
We just looked on...
at the mute and incandescent face
Thank
god…the final years
wiped out all her past
memories.
She
lives with us, in a dignity that has only humbled….
-----
My
grandmother passed away at the age of 97.
Widowhood was a curse in many parts of India. Widows were expected to shun all worldly
pleasures. They were not allowed to wear colours, couldn't eat/touch non-vegetarian and certain other foods. Basically they were expected to mourn their husbands for the
rest of their lives. As a woman it
saddens me to think of vibrant women, some in the peak of their lives, having
to live a life like this – being
dictated to and no longer being able to enjoy the pleasures life has to offer.
Linked with Susan's : http://poetryblogroll.blogspot.in/2016/06/poets-united-midweek-motif-parents.html
That was a very touching poem,Panchali. My granny passed away when she was 72 and I still remember that day. I miss her very much and your poem just brought back all the memories.
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it... thanks for the visit, Ramya... :)))
DeleteA most exquisite tribute to your grandmother, Panchali.
ReplyDeleteThanks a ton, Sanaa! :))
DeleteI wondered as I read your tribute, how she maintained a personality that could nurture given the oppression you describe. But she did, or a child would not drop tears, would not see her on the rainbow path!
ReplyDeleteOh, she was an iron-lady, Susan. I am sure, she flew back to the land of mist with the conviction of another journey... which is how it should BE I am sure... :))))
DeleteThanks for your visit and comments!
So moving, those tired footsteps on the rainbow path, and the difficulty of her life. But what I see in her face, and feel in your poem, is how much love and joy she bestowed and likely received in return from grandchildren. I'll bet those were the happiest years of her old age. She sounds wonderful, Panchali. My grandma was, front and centre, the most important figure in my childhood. She saved my life, I think.
ReplyDeleteTradition and respect for our heritage and value system are essential for they can provide a framework for our thought process. She was absolutely loveable... a woman with gifts of confidence, decisiveness and strength.
DeleteI wish I had words to convey my pleasure at seeing you here. Your comment is most cherished, Sherry... :))Thank you!
Thank you for bringing our attention to the horrible plight of women still happening in certain parts of the world.Women like your grandmother are the important strong foundations of life. Cultures should revere them and bestow privilege praise and respect on them.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rall for that beautiful comment. As I said earlier, tradition and respect for our heritage and value system are essential..to abandon one and use only one would always create a disbalance... :))
Deleteheartfelt words Panchali di expressed with beautiful reverence...
ReplyDeleteThanks a bunch...Sumana! :)))
DeleteI believe and pray that the love of her grandchildren brightened her life.
ReplyDeleteI am so sure, Rosemary! Thanks for the visit... :))
DeleteGreat tribute
ReplyDeleteThank you, Geetashree!! Lovely to see you here....:)))
DeleteWhat a wonderful tribute and also description of a culture that is so different to one i am familiar with for sure - 24 is so very young and that she lived for so long with dignity is indeed both testament to her wonderful character and a great legacy for her family to treasure
ReplyDeleteCertainly, Jae.. it must have been really tough for her! But, she never never complained, despite all of the hardships she faced in her life ... such a stoic and independent persona she had...Incredible!
DeleteThanks for coming by... :))
Very sad that widows were expected not to have any enjoyment in life after their husbands died. Horrors if the widow was very, very young & if she was expected to live a life of mourning for 30 or 50 years. Your grandmother was a prime example. I really for sad for all she had to give up. And, yes, in her case perhaps Alzheimers was a blessing. Are things a bit different now for young widows? Or do the same customs prevail? (I will check back.)
ReplyDeleteThankfully....that social stigma on widows is no more in practice in India at present. This is a welcoming and good sign for sure. Widows are permitted to take up jobs, attend functions and ceremonies these days. The level of suppression of widow in the name of widowhood is gradually vanishing.
DeleteLovely to see you here... thanks, Mary.. :))
You say it well..the patriarchal, misogynistic society lives on in several sections unfortunately. From female infanticide to trafficking, there are battles to be fought at every level. Every voice against it counts!
ReplyDeleteBengal had been the incubator of a significant number of social reforms in the 20th century. Bengali activists were the moving force that led the Raj to ban Sati and legalize Hindu widow remarriage. Bengal has one of the healthier gender ratios in India. Bengal was one of the first states (after Kerala) in independent India to end feudalism by instituting overarching land reforms. The state has one of the highest female literacy rates in India.
DeleteTime for a second coming of a Vivekananda or a Ram Mohan Roy, perhaps.:))
Thanks so much for your visit and comment!
Thanks for your response, Panchali. I am glad that things have changed & that widows now can also have a rewarding life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, Mary! I truly appreciate :)
DeleteIt is unfortunate that widows were treated in this shameful manner. This is a touching and loving tribute to your grandmother.
ReplyDeleteMany thanks, Sara for your kind words! Good to see you always :))
DeleteThings have not changed much except there are not much restrictions on the dress,their mobility and taking up a profession.How many young men are willing and have the guts to over rule their objecting parents in marrying young widows even with a child or two?Many widowed young women and their parents even in these modern times are afraid of a vague society and do not try for or delay remarriage.
ReplyDeleteYoung unmarried men should resolve not to discriminate against widows if they are suitable otherwise.They should in fact be preferred.Women are generally enemies of women and they have a great role in removing this malady by changing their mindset.Let kundlies be kept aside along with the cruel practices followed hitherto.
You are so right I have a crick in my neck with nodding vigorously.Smiles
DeleteWell, to re-evaluate traditional rules, we must question the motives behind them. The motive might have been relevant in the era the rule was formulated in, but may not be relevant at all today. India has two faces. The enlightened, modern and advancing middle class and the poor, deprived and illiterate masses exploited by the Godmen and men!! Today, when I look around, I find quite a few youngsters willingly marrying young widows ( even with KIDS)! Not every family in Bengal believes in Kundlies, Parthsarthi! Like my family and my in-laws fam never gave any weightage to Kundlies etc...I just wish there were more like us!
The predicament of women issues definitely needs a sea change in attitudes to put it aptly.
Lovely to see you here... thanks.. :))
Being a widow....those times....definitely a curse. Maybe even now in some parts of the country.
ReplyDelete