Wednesday, July 01, 2015

Still Mind In Motion~

My mother neck-deep in cancer
    ...cut off from reality’s membrane…
Lying on a hospital bed
Gasping for breath
A decaying body
Simplified to bone….
…..yellowed like a leaf
       Waiting to float in her autumns
            On a spell of freedom

Sore eyes sift through a haze
The night has a sinister sheen
Waves of the ECG machine
          move in a way not entirely clear
what am I afraid of…??
The loss will be
     …. Irreplaceable, I sigh!
I see the face of death
        and lean on her, 
       dreading the inevitable
I touch her hand- decked with lifelines
Tears roll down my cheeks
People grow old and die, its A kind of
Going away—slowly fading away into oblivion!

It is midnight…
The ICU bulbs burn on
My thoughts gather momentum....
This is the place where every man
pauses one day to pitch his final tent
Reversing the clock is impossible 
Old age is steady evaporation...I cringe
I feel a hush behind me,
      but I cannot turn…
Mom's death is probably just a minute or so apart
An unknown fear grips me
I lock into my lotus position, and pray
My mother, starts walking a ridge of light
I let her pass...

Absence and death are the same - only that in death there is no suffering. ~Theodore Roosevelt

My Mother died of cancer. The vision of her last breath still plays on my mind. Death can be a release for a terminally ill patient from pain….

I hope others facing a loss of a parent can read this and find comfort in knowing that life after life is real, …and I believe, heaven is real and one day we shall all be together again. 

Written for Susan's prompt :


  1. Thank you, thank you! For helping me to feel the freedom and experience the letting go through you and her:
    "A decaying body
    Simplified to bone….
    …..yellowed like a leaf
    Waiting to float in her autumns
    On a spell of freedom"
    To be able to "Let her pass" and not call her back when her freedom beckons is extremely hard. And so, the Title of your poem "Still Mind in Motion" is beautiful too.

  2. We are so changed by the death of a loved one because part of us dies with them. A mother knew you before you knew yourself and that is what you have lost.

  3. This is such a heartfelt piece.. to lose someone you love.. specially a parent is tough and requires a lot of patience and perseverance. We live in a temporary world.. each person is here for a purpose... and when that purpose is achieved.. we shall continue to move towards our final destination.. where we shall be free!

    Know that your mother is in a better place now.. and that one day you will be reunited.. in heaven. Please accept my deepest condolences.. and warm hugs.

    Lots of love,

  4. I love the quote..I love how it is absorbed and processed in this wonderful poem...yes death is a process..a part of life..we should always be allowed to fear it however..before we are ready to let go

  5. Some events live with us a life time and mould us, letting go can be painful but perhaps it does bring freedom. Powerful poem.

  6. Intense poem... "old age is steady evaporation"...that's such a poignant line!

  7. release from this body is a relief for ma though it is very painful to accept...but we have no choice...

  8. Panchali, your words speak a deep truth. Once we learn it, we lose our fear of death. I am so sorry for your loss but, as I read , I agree with you that such a death is a release from pain, and her soul likely welcomed it. You have written of her passage so beautifully ,especially "My mother starts walking a ridge of light. I let her pass...."

  9. My Mom also suffered from several organ failure and she passed away when I was twelve. I could totally relate to your poem and it made me really emotional.
    Beautifully penned.

  10. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, but I do believe there is freedom from the pain when you walk towards the light. Some moments linger with us throughout our life. A very moving poem.

  11. "neck-deep in cancer"

    "A decaying body
    Simplified to bone"

    Stark and striking. Typically, when people write about death as freedom, the attempt at being dark and edgy ruins the work. Your poem, however, is truth and pain and release.

  12. Panchali, your poem moved me greatly. You expressed so well what it is like to sit in the presence of Death. So true that reversing the clock is impossible. So true that death is like evaporation.I like the ridge of light. And...I think it is a blessing, in the end, to give them permission to pass... Really deep and beautiful writing!

  13. A good death is as important as a good life. One must make peace with the world before one passes. Her spirit will live in you and when you pass ,you will be together again.You ancestors are guardian angels who protect you.
    Beautiful poem. Heart wrenching.

  14. The final freedom can cause the ones behind pain but that freedom is a great release for us all.

  15. The pain here is beautifully expressed, and the last two lines - oh my! Love to you X

  16. what a great release! I should have written while i went through this with my parents.this is sad and lovely at the same time... Blessings to you and yours.


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