Monday, June 11, 2012

MEHFIL~in 55 words



disclaimer..pic and hindi verses from the net**



Music was streaming in from the mehfil… the terrace was crowded. A woman, confronted by the urban sophistication, turned into something graceless and crude.

A spray of bullets surprised everyone. The singer died and he never saw the woman who killed him.

His wife was caught with a gun in hand and saw hundred eyes upon her… and smiled.

33 comments:

  1. Wonderfully written. you managed to convey a whole lot in so few words. :)

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    1. Thanks Raj for being here...Do appreciate :))

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    1. Thank you, Deepak:) You made my day!

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    1. Thanks Rajesh !! musical...?hehe.. didn't you hear the booming gun..? lol
      Thanks re

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  4. nicely done! i like the way you write :)

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    1. Thanks a lot, Debajyoti! Feels good to have you read it. A performer needs an appreciative audience.. :))))I am so pleased...

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  5. ...shockingly brilliant...brilliantly shocking!!

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    1. Thanks Amit :)) That was one power packed comment...! I am thrilled really!!

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  6. very well written...left me wanting more

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    1. Thanks a bunch, Alka... I hope you will forgive me for a feeling of smugness. To illicit such a response... the write-up has to have that 'something'....I am just THRILLED...:)))

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  7. WOW Panchali

    Chalo dono ke liye happy ending.

    He didn't get to see.You saved him a lot of shock-

    She got seen.and she smiled triumph at last :))

    lovely story powerpacked .
    love
    rajni

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    1. Thanks a LOT, Rajni !!I feel blessed... you have justified my writing... :))
      I released the wretched husband from all his sins...and this story portrays how a rural woman can go beyond realm of innocence after exploitation.... Nothing else can take man out from his reality.

      Thank you so much for your appreciation...

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  8. Wow! Some unanswered questions, yet a lot of things in 55 words. Very Nice!

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    1. Oh yes, Jaish...indeed, There is a lot more to talk about her being devilish n rebellious by nature...Due to word restriction, I could come up with only ONE emotion viz REVENGE...
      He deserved that kind of death...leme assure you...:)))))))))) haha..
      Thanks so much for being here...readers like you are such a blessing. Thanks for coming by... :)))

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  9. The first time ever the hundred eyes set upon her--her triumph and she smiles...
    Love your writing as always, Panchali!

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    1. Kudos Bhavana...you summed it up so aptly !Thanks a lot :))
      Its always such an absolute pleasure to have you here..I am really happy that you liked the writing...:))

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  10. Bharatiya Nari coming of age :)

    beautiful concept

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    1. Magiceye....yay! you got the essence of it...:))... means a lot to me to have your approval! Thanks a bunch !

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  11. Scary.. creepy... power-packed punch in all but 55 words!!

    I hope this remains to fiction only, but.

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    1. Anupama!
      Welcome to my space :)) Thanks for that wonderful feedback...."but"..? well...no if and buts for this girl now!!!She has learned to spin on her heels and show off her guns like the fiery queen of jhansi...LOL..
      Pleased to have you here, would love to see you more on these pages...:))

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  12. Panchali di, Indian Bloggers league start hoyechhe. Team Kolkata-r hoye khelbe please? Short story ba 55 fiction nite paro. Facebook-e amay janiyo - www.facebook.com/das.sudeshna1

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    1. Sudeshna....amar ki aar kelar boyesh ache re....kintu, KHELBO!!!!!
      55 ba poem cholbe...:)) Amake dol e nao....asap!

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    1. Welcome to my space, Gyanban :))Thanks a lot for liking this and for your comments....please do visit again!

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  14. wow ! you have conveyed so much in 55 words ! loved it !

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    1. TTT !! That's an interesting handle...what does TTT stand for ...? Just curious...
      Good to see you here...a warm welcome :)Thanks for the complments...do appreciate :)Do visit again...please!

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  15. Wow!!!! Brilliant....I just wanted 2 or 3 more lines....:) ya i know it's a 55 word thing....:(

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    1. Welcome to my page, Ashish....
      aah! I know...I know...even I wanted to add a few lines more...but alas!!

      Thanks for the wonderful comments...absolutely gratified. Now since we have met here, woul like to see you more often here...:))
      Thanks a bunch!!

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  16. Brilliant Ma'am, I think writing 55 is a challenge and requires a lot of skill. You rock at it. Please read meeraganesh.wordpress.com she is one person who is absolutely wonderful with this form of writing.

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    1. Thanks for the compliment, Saru!!
      Well, am going over to meeraganesh's post straight away ! Thanks for the suggestion...and a spl word of thanks once again for that awesome comment:))

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  17. wow , brilliant Mam
    ये तो वही बात हो गई
    "देखन मे छोटी लगे घाव करे गंभीर "

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