Friday, June 22, 2012

Hunt For A Home



Evening descended,
The blue sky still had a hint of crimson
Babaushka, the horse came to a halt
He looked through the gentle slopes towards home
It was far, town looked so torn and bare
Amid the stumps of memories, he fell silent
Only the footfalls of his hooves pierced the blazing stillness
Implacable destiny broke his age-old dwelling
His address was gone
…he'd lost his right to live in his home!

 He quivered, as his memories roared--the streets were full of blood
He remembered his dying master writhing, trembling in pain; 
and how he cautiously pulled him up on his back
Kept dawdling towards home; 
Before he could reach home; his master was pinned to the ground by enemies
Babaushka got on his hind legs, reared into the air; slumped near his master.
Pulled him on the saddle went sprinting over the hills, holding him stoutly on his back
Through the rocks, he saw the master’s wife in the courtyard; sure-footed he entered
He put the dead-body at her feet and neighed…and then
..........Hell suspended on earth!

A few lashes sent lacerating pain through his shoulders and collarbone;
Sounds of half-moan, and whimpering left his mouth---
Faithfulness a tragedy no doubt.!
She pulled the straps off his shoulders in anger and grief; banishing
Persecuting and letting him bleed into the deep teal of the night...
Wind shifted throughout the night
Babaushka was now awaiting a tiny slice of morning...
A paradise--- safe from snakes, pests was all that his heart was desiring
Away from the world of cheats who rub shoulders with death on the way
Tears blurred Baboushka's vision...slowly
The riotous bougainvilleas and the passion flowers drifted out of his sight
Only black outlines, ugly human figures stood on the ridge of the night sky

A profound peace slipped in; humming verses comforting the stallion
Baboushka stayed there until his pain and exhaustion passed …
With unsteady trot, stamping his hooves, he started moving
There were maggots multiplying in his wounds; he could smell his own blood
But, this was not torture, ...his heart went tripping to spread out; and he rose
He mounted on the flowing river; fishes swam and pecked his legs
But on rounding the bend something bit him hard, and his body twitched 
He looked down; it was a snake-infested stream…the horse's legs trembled
The angel of death came in the guise of a snake and took him away...









This post is part of the contest Ten words to a Story(or Poem).. on WriteUpCafe.com








48 comments:

  1. you write exceptionally well!! i am not qualified enough to comment on this one.

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    1. goodness me....now that's too big a compliment, Debajyoti ! Take a bow...thanks!

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  2. This is absolutely exceptional poetry! Left me almost speechless.

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    1. Oh Sudeshna...thanks for that inspring comment :)) I am grateful...!:)

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  3. WOW!! A masterpiece Panchali!! A gripping tale rendered poetically!!!

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    1. Deepak....I am absolutely thrilled to receive your stupendous comment. Many thanks for the encouragement.
      What a blessing you are...:))

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  4. You bring forth memories of Brothers Karamazov. Beautifully written.

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    1. OMG...thanksss a lot, Umashankar! Coming from a writer of your stature...it means a lot to me!

      Since the narration merges into the horse's personal thoughts, so that probably reminds you of Brothers Karamazov. I saw the movie also many years back...Oh Dostoyevsky is one of my favorite authors..
      Thank you for your encouragement:))))Do appreciate.

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    2. And I can measure my stature in coffee spoons!

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    3. Umashankar, You line reminds me of T.S. Eliot's tragic modern man, living life in carefully measured doses!!

      "And turning toward the window, should say:
      "That is not it at all,
      That is not what I meant, at all." :))

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  5. i just don't have any words ! believe me its just out of this world !!!!

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    1. TTT...
      Thank you for your terrific comments. Thanks for reading my blog and for your support...I am on cloud nine :))))

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  6. Replies
    1. Thanks so much for your awesome comment on my blog.I am thrilled!:) Hope to see you more often here...

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  7. I felt I was inside the horse, as a companion to the horse spirit. I felt the loyalty. I felt the hard work of carrying the dead master home. I felt the struggle to drop him at the Mistress feet. I felt the pain of not being understood. I felt the sorrow of having no home--the Ronin. I felt how the Ronin has now on other alternative but to pass. I felt the detachment. I felt the letting go. Yes, I felt the peace.

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    1. Whoa Bhavana!! Every blogger would love to have a reader like you ! You read the story of Babauskha soooo well...:)))))Thanks so much for following my post and for your kind comments!!

      Every writer has a dream! And that dream is to write and have the readers come to you. No hoopla or marketing gimmicks. Just good writing that gets its due...and I got that today..:-D
      Thanks a million.

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    2. I am so happy that I can be a good reader! Thinking of a profession change--from a blogger to reader and commentator on good blogs! I just love good ones so much--it gets my juices going!

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    3. Bhavana,
      I guess, appropriate comments are like miniature articles.Good comments add value to the blogs. The real Ego boost comes only when you get meaningful comments from readers like you. You are truly good for my Ego, Bhavana. Feeling smug:)))
      But, that doesn't mean you should change your profession now..LOL!! Please don't deprive us of reading your creative blogs. You are one awesome blogger here---feel flattered my dear:)) And I mean it! xoxo

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  8. You really are a brilliant writer. You must seriously consider publishing your work. The pathos was beautifully brought out. Your play with words is outstanding! Thanks magiceye for leading me here.

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    1. Thanks very much Rachna, for those wonderful words of encouragement. Maybe,you're right. But it feels good to know that now I have a platform, even if it is not a book.
      The good news is that it attracts audience like you...completely satisfied at this age :))
      Thanks to friends like Deepak for referring me... :))! I am grateful...god bless !!

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    2. Please enable subscribe my email so that I can get updates of your blog posts. Thanks!

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    3. I have enabled it, Rachana. Good that you alerted me!! Thanks ... :)

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  9. Wonderful . I got goosebumps reading this . Simply superb :)

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    1. Thanks so much, Jayashree! Thank you for your beautiful comment...be sure to check back again:)

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  10. Magical writing Panchali Jee...:-)
    Award waiting for you..:-)
    http://ahomemakersutopia.blogspot.in/2012/06/awards-galore.html

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    1. Dear Nagini,

      I, of course gratefully accept your award. I’m honored Nagini (and inspired to write more!). Thank you ever so much for your kindness...

      Thanks a bunch…..you are indeed wonderful:)) xoxo

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  11. A very unique and lyrical voice you've got...loved the poem.

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    1. Welcome to my post, adatewithdelhi...:))

      Thank you for your generosity ...glad you enjoyed reading this! Now since we have met, do come back again!!

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  12. Replies
    1. Thanks a lot for your visit and appreciative comment, Saikat...
      Hope to see you more often on these pages..
      :))

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  13. Amazingly well written ! loved it.

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    1. Welcome to my post, themoonstone :)) Thanks for the appreciation.You made my day!Do come back to read me again.Thanks!

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  14. A very touching tale so sensitively written.

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    1. Indu,

      I am pleased that you liked the treatment. Thank you for your visit and kind words. I hope you will visit again... :)))

      Thanks!

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  15. Beautiful writing and touching at the same time. Well done!

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    1. Welcome to my post, Shalu! I am sooo pleased you liked this. Feeling smug. :))

      Thanks for coming by... it was such a pleasure. :))))

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  16. Wow! Strong imagery here. You did justice to the mute creature by writing from the horse's perspective.
    Great work.

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    1. Divya, Thank you for that lovely comment. It is MOST gratifying to win a pat on the back from someone you admire:))
      Thanks!

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  17. It's a beautiful story/poem and you have used the 10 words in a prolific way. Love visiting your blog, always something new and different :) :)

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    1. Neha!

      I am glad you read to the last line, as you do each time... :)))
      Your comment is of course the cherry on top. Thank you for your lovely words of appreciation. They impress me far more than bluster would have done....:))
      Thanks a million.

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  18. really well written :)

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    1. Thank you so much, Ash. I will cherish your words always :)) Do come back please...

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  19. This post felt so alive! Beautifully written Panchali.

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    1. Purba,

      What a compliment..! I am thrilled to my toes..... Thank you so much...:)

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  20. I'm glad I visited your blog and read this. Thank youfor writing such a beautiful piece. I sincerely hope you win.

    Take care :)

    The_Beauty_Doctor_Speaks

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    1. Dr Samujjala,

      Welcome!:) A pleasure to have you gracing my space. Thank you lady for your wishes:)) Sadly, I couln't post it before the last day :(

      Hoping to see you more on these pages... :)))
      Shall visit your space shortly:) Thanks once again..

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  21. very beautifully and very well written panchali...very touching post

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    1. Alka,

      Thank you for the words of praise. They mean more than I could tell you, because I know you say them sincerely....:)
      Pleasure to see you here... as always.

      Thanks a bunch!

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